Main Dishes

Sweet and Spicy Spaghetti and Meatballs


It is spaghetti and meatballs with a twist.

2/3 pound ground beef

2/3 pound ground pork

2/3 pound ground veal or 1 pound of pork and beef if veal is inhumane or 2 pounds of beef or piggies are too cute and smart to eat or nothing and go home and do something else while you slowly stroke yourself with your moral superiority. I\'m a good person. I don\'t need your judgement for what I do and don\'t eat. I know you were thinking \"oh veal he must love the torture and unceremonious execution of small baby animals.\" You would be correct when you say that but I don\'t actually eat veal myself I just advocate for others to. JESUS CHRIST COULD YOU GET OFF OF MY BACK! I\'M DOING THE BEST I CAN! I\'m going to go for a walk to cool down. Figure out the recipe yourself. (Door slams you hear muffled screaming in the distance. That screaming then turns to dry heaving and sobbing.)

OK, I\'m back. Let\'s not talk about this anymore, just know that I\'m sorry and that I\'m trying to work it out. 1 (shivers) gala apple grated. I\'m OK.

2 tablespoons sage, thyme, oregano, basil, maybe rosemary I don\'t want to enter each of these individually so I will just say put equal amounts of all of these.

1/2 cup of carrots grated

1 onion grated

Salt and pepper (not the hair color of sexy, distinguished older men)

1 tablespoon Worsechester, werchester, wursechter, wonfhdkosjskdh, the sauce that you put on steak sometimes that makes stuff taste like beef.

1/2 cup of non instant oats or instant oats with that weird brown sugar packets inside whatever you have. That was a joke don\'t do that. I have not tried it and do not attest to its validity.

1 extra large egg (most recipes use large eggs but like the mighty squirrel I\'m mixing it up. You\'re gonna need that extra egg)

Spicy Tomato Sauce Ingredients (boy this is a long recipe. We might need to take a break on this one):

1 can of those tomatoes with green chilies in them or if you live in a place where they don\'t put green chilies in your tomatoes 1 can of green chilies. I can be very accommodating. I understand that my white privilege gives me the opportunity to have green chilies already in my tomatoes. The issue is that is not true for a lot of people. That\'s why we need to supply people with green chilies so they too can rise up, wise up, eyes up.

1 can of tomatoes sans chilies (that\'s fancy talk for no chilies)

2 tablespoons of tomato paste

3 cloves of minced garlic

1/2 of red wine

2 tablespoons of basil, oregano, thyme again me being lazy

pinch of cayenne I wasn\'t lazy enough to tell you to put 2 tablespoons of cayenne because that may truly kill you and I don\'t want that on my conscience.

1 teaspoon of red pepper flakes again your welcome for not saying 2 tablespoons

1 onion not grated

1 roasted red pepper (quick recipe: place pepper covered with oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder in oven at 425 cook for 45 minutes turning periodically. Take out cover with towel and peal skin after pepper has cooled. The pepper\'s not yours. See I can be pithy in a recipe.)


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